HOW TO BE A MONSTER-IN-LAW

Two things inspired this post. A friend’s story and a conversation with Big Mummy. We were having a chat about trying to win the affection of the mother-in-law and this concept seemed alien to Big Mummy.  “If you love each other and are determined to get married, what can I do?” The fact that she has not thought about what to do made me leap for joy. There is so much she can do but the key word is determination. If the couple is “determined to marry” only God can stop them. Or some mothers like Big Mummy just do not know how to be monster-in-laws.

There is a journey to get there too. It takes steady practice from a really young age. One simply does not become a monster-in-law overnight. It is not a skill that can be picked up or a crash course that can be studied. It is a full time job.

  1. First “baby” your offspring. You have to start from a really young age. From the moment the child is born (Safe to say some people are well on their way to becoming model monster-in-laws and they do not know it yet) once you obliterate any trace of independence the child has, you have hit the homerun. You then have unfettered access to the remaining points below23f1f357543b06457317b968d5ac8035
  2. Call your child. As many times as the network carrier would permit you.

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  1. Accompany your offspring to ALL doctors’ appointments
  2. Do not let him/her move out or simply move in with him/her. Whichever one of the logistics is practical and appeals to you.tumblr_inline_mgxx8lztuo1qfn0fl
  3. Double as his/her stylist down to the underwearslide_339218_3499940_free
  4. Be familiar with ALL his/her affairs. That means access to the phone(s). Bank statements/ alerts.
  5. Investigate his/her love life. You are already his/her first love. So you must pick subsequent ones. When that unsuspecting potential spouse who is not familiar with all these arrives, they would not know what hit them.monster-in-law-jane-slams-jlos-head
  6. If you do not approve, refuse your blessing, hate on your prospective in laws and frustrate the wedding plans.tumblr_mamo8bbjxp1qfmwi0o1_500
  7. If you do, make ALL the decisions concerning the wedding.
  8. Make all the decisions henceforth.o-motherinlaw-facebook
  9. Be Present in the new couple’s lives. Move in with them or near them.
  1. Demand, command respect and obedience. How else would the newcomer know that you were there first?
  2. Blame your new son or daughter in law for ALL your offspring’s woes.b1d5a55eec31fda7446ce990a43bc70a
  3. Start over from Number two on the new son or daughter and you shall dominate!6e870800-af0f-0132-9a1d-0e01949ad350
  4. _____________insert yours here.

 

OR You can just be a mom and stop fighting progress.

 

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